Christmas requires careful balancing of priorities and planning, ensuring everyone gets to see their extended family and soak in the holiday spirit. Add the complexities of separation or divorce into the mix, and the festive season can sometimes feel more stressful than joyful -especially if it is your first holiday season after separating.
It is important to remember that all families are different and what works for one, may not for another.
Take a look at our Top 8 must-do’s below to make sure you’re on the front foot with parenting arrangements.
1. Stay child-focused
Christmas should be about the children. Consider whether it’s really best for the children to make long trips on Christmas Day just to ensure they see both parents. The presents left by Santa will last under the tree for a couple of days if need be.
It is inevitable that children may mourn their previous holiday experiences as a family unit. It is important to validate these feelings and not make children feel guilty for spending less time with you at Christmas. Remember that Christmas is ultimately about creating happy memories and showing your children how much they are loved.
Keep the focus on your children’s happiness by avoiding letting personal emotions or unresolved conflicts detract from the holiday season. Work with your co-parent to present a united front for holiday activities, ensuring your children feel secure and not caught in the middle.
2. Embrace new traditions
If this is your first holiday season after a separation, it’s natural for things to feel different, because they will inevitably be different. You may be worried your children will not get the same holiday experience as previously, however try to remember that new experience does not equate to negative experiences.
Make an effort to create new memories and embrace new traditions, which will bring joy, happiness and a sense of connection with your children.
3. Confirm arrangements in writing well in advance
Don’t leave it too late, clear communication and early planning are essential for a stress-free holiday season. Begin discussions with your co-parent as soon as possible and be mindful of potential conflicts, such as important family events and traditions with extended family.
The last thing you need on Christmas Day is a miscommunication about who is picking up the children from where. Confirm the time and location of changeover in writing in advance and confirm once again the day before.
4. Co-ordinate on gifts
Gift-giving (mainly the receiving!) is an exciting part of Christmas for most children, but it can also become a source of tension between co-parents. Ideally, parents will have the same budget and personal values regarding presents for their children, however this is often unrealistic.
Start the conversation early with your co-parent about expectations, budget and how to divide up your child’s Christmas list. Instead of competing with your co-parent, consider collaborating on larger gifts or agreeing on a plan to avoid duplication. Working together on a thoughtful present can reduce stress and show your children that both parents are united in their love for them.
5. Be practical and flexible
Whilst changeover taking place at 12 noon on Christmas Day seems “fair”, it’s not always practical. Before confirming the changeover, think about what will be happening at that time. It’s not practical for anyone if everyone misses out on Christmas lunch!
Unexpected changes can happen, and sometimes holiday schedules need to be adjusted. While this can be frustrating for you, your children will likely still benefit from seeing both parents during the holiday season. Sticking to the plan is of course ideal, however where this is not possible, try to remain flexible if your co-parent’s Christmas lunch suddenly went overtime, they have work or other commitments arise which requires a change in the routine.
Maintaining a cooperative attitude ensures the focus stays on your children’s best interests.
6. Think of the (other) children
In a blended family you may need to consider multiple sets of children. Children will probably have the most fun spending the day with other kids, especially their step and half siblings. Sit down and map out the arrangements – it can be easy for children to “miss” each other if you’re not well organised.
7. Make sure the children know the plan
People like knowing what’s going to happen and this includes children. If the children know the plan well in advance, they are less likely to experience anxiety, making the day more enjoyable for everyone.
8. Get a second opinion
If you can’t sort it out between yourselves, don’t be afraid to get some outside help. This can be from a mutual friend, a Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner (Family Law Mediator) or a Family Lawyer. Don’t leave it too late though. In some cases, you might need a Judge to make a decision; Court lists fill up quickly in the lead up to Christmas.
The holidays can be challenging for many co-parents, but with a little planning and a lot of love, you can make this Christmas one that your children will look back on with happy memories.
If you’re struggling with co-parenting or need legal advice to help navigate the holiday season, our family law experts are here to help. Reach out for an obligation-free, fixed fee consultation, and let us support you in making this Christmas your best one yet!
